Often couples are experiencing what they feel is constant disagreement, silence, or severe disconnection. This may have started recently but many times this has been prevailing for some time in the relationship with both individuals attempting to “ignore it and maybe it will just go away, subside or change.” This is by no means the only way couples come to counseling with me. Infidelity is another way that people find they need to seek help. My success with couples has been in opening up communicating and helping them create the relationship they truly desire.
I like to describe a relationship as a third entity; not you against me but rather a common goal. This is like the metaphor of a potted plant. Often the relationship is getting neglected like a plant that is not getting enough sunlight or water. It starts to wilt. It gets put out of the way until it is struggling to stay alive. Sometimes the plant needs to be re-potted or perhaps a new location or simply regular watering. Instead of the problem being focused on who is watering, turning, and pruning the plant, etc. it is about helping the plant grow. So, it is not about “what the other person is or is not doing”. It is about investing in the growth of the relationship by communicating and connecting with its welfare.
